A Waka, Toasts to Belated Happy Holidaze!
January 14th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
MONTICELLO – Yeah, I missed most of the holiday season as we entered the end of the Mayan calendar. Looking back at my last post, maybe that’s what they meant by the end of the world? Oh well, at least there’s some beauty as shown in the prettiest postcard from this past season, sent by my cousin Andy Andrews.
Kathy L. Schneider took this picture in 2006, according to the back of the Peter Pauper Press Christmas card. While you cannot really see it in he scanned photo, the glitter in the trees makes the card catch the light — and thus eyes while walking by it. I enjoy receiving Christmas cards and should do a better job of sending them out.
Our holiday season seemed odd though spent among friends and framily. Leading up to Christmas day, I attended Fool Fest ’11 at Rising Oaks … but we didn’t get the snow pictured above. It still inspired the following:
Fool Fest Waka
Christmas time is here
Join in our holiday cheer
Feast of fools is nigh
See her twinkling in the eye
Grab her close, draw her near.
See the fools abound
Ring the cymbal, make a sound
Throw away the past
Red faces from crazy laughs
Make a noise to rock the town!
***
Now that you’ve made it past the jump, let’s get to the toasts. A fine mulled wine accompanied the Fools Fest and turned my thoughts back to olden days behind the bar. I don’t drink like I did as a young man; the last time I stepped behind a bar to tend — actually to teach others to tend — I became physically ill. I cannot describe it any other way.
But in the spirit of a giving season, I’m prepared to give away the secrets of my quick concoctions from days of yore. I found my “Lil’ Black Book” from my bartending days at Chiquito’s, BJ’s Honky Tonk and Smitty’s. This guy gives you a good idea of how to pour. I usually pour two parts liquor to one part liqueur; when mixing multiple liquors, give each a one-count. You can sub Sprite for 7up if it’s your taste.
First, my specialty: Opie’s Punch Southern Comfort, Amaretto, orange juice, pineapple juice, cranberry juices. Warn those consuming to take it easy since the juices hide the alcohol. If they don’t, they’ll end up on the floor … thus the “punch.”
Flaming Dr. Pepper Full shot of Amaretto topped with Bacardi 151. Light the 151 and drop into a 1/2 mug of beer; guzzle.
- forget the beer (but blow out the flame prior to shooting!) for a “Flaming Armadillo.”
Toasted Almond Amaretto, Kahlua, milk
- add splash of Coca-Cola for a “Sexy Kiss”
Buttery Nipple Baileys, Butterscotch Schnapps
Brain Peach Schnapps, Baileys, grenadine
Tootsie Roll Baileys, Kahlua, orange juice
B-52 Baileys, Kahlua, Triple Sec liqueur
Blow Job Crown Royal, Baileys, Kahlua, whip cream
- drop the whip cream for a “Duck Fart”
Chocolate Covered Cherry (layered) grenadine, Kahlua, Baileys
Liquid Cocaine Bacardi 151, Wild Turkey 101, Rumpleminze and Jagermeister
- drop the 101 for “Three Wise Men”
Shark Bite Bacardi 151, orange juice, grenadine
Rum Runner Bacardi 151, Blackberry liqueur, Banana liqueur, grenadine, Rose’s lime juice
Midori Colada (FROZEN) Bacardi Silver, Midori, pineapple juice, coconut, ice
Dew Drop Malibu Rum, Midori melon liqueur, pineapple juice, 7up
Zombie Light Rum, Dark Rum, float 151, Apricot Brandy, sour mix, pineapple juice, grenadine, Rose’s lime
Honeysuckle Rum, 7up, sour mix, (Honey liqueur optional)
Crippler Vodka, Crown Royal, sour mix, grenadine
Bleeding Heart Vodka, Baileys, grenadine
Screaming Orgasm Vodka, Amaretto, Kahlua, Baileys; served in tall glass
- sub milk in place of Baileys for an “Orgasm”
Purple Heart Vodka, Razzmatazz liqueur, (cranberry juice or sour mix), 7up
Trip to the Beach Vodka, Peach Schnapps, Midori liqueur, orange juice
- drop the Midori for a “Fuzzy Navel”
Sex on the Beach Vodka, Peach Schnapps, orange juice, cranberry juice, grenadine
- sub pineapple juice instead of orange juice for a “Flying Fuck”
White Russian Vodka, Kahlua and milk
- shake it up for a “Dirty Mother”
- top with Coca-Cola for a “Colorado Bulldog”
Mind Eraser Vodka, Kahlua, soda
- drop the soda for a “Black Russian”
- use house Vodka for “Woo Woo”
Sloe Screw Vodka, Sloe Gin, orange juice
Skip Go Naked Vodka, Rum, Gin, sour mix, grenadine, top with beer
Cape Cod Vodka, cranberry juice, Rose’s lime juice
Gimlet Vodka, Gin, Rose’s lime
Kamikaze Vodka, Triple Sec liqueur, sour mix
- Add Blue Curacao for a “Nuclear Kamikaze”
Windex Shooter Vodka, Rum, Blue Curacao, 7up, Rose’s lime
Hawaiian Shooter Vodka, Southern Comfort, Amaretto, pineapple juice, grenadine
Watermelon Shooter Vodka, Southern Comfort, pineapple juice, orange juice, grenadine
‘Bama Slammer I learned three versions of this drink at BJ’s Honky Tonk
- Amaretto, Southern Comfort, Sloe Gin, sour mix
- Southern Comfort, Sloe Gin, orange juice
- Southern Comfort, Vodka, orange juice, grenadine
Dallas Alice Vodka, Tequila, Amaretto, Bacardi 151
Texas Tea Vodka, Tequila, Gin, Rum, Jack Daniels, Triple Sec liqueur, sour mix, 7up, soda, splash of Coca-Cola
- drop Jack for a “Long Island Tea”
’57 Chevy Gin, Southern Comfort, orange juice, grenadine; served in tall glass
Pink Lady Gin, grenadine, milk
Tom Collins Gin, soda, 7up, sour mix
- sub Vodka instead of Gin for a “Vodka Collins”
Greyhound Gin, grapefruit juice
- top glass rim with salt for a “Salty Dog”
Hair of the Dog Tequila, Kahlua and milk
Tequila Slammer Tequila, soda, 7up
Tequila Sunrise Tequila, orange juice, grenadine
Moonrise Tequila, soda, lime
Cactus Colada (FROZEN) Tequila, Midori, orange juice, pineapple juice, grenadine, coconut
***
True, the holidaze may be over but you can try these gifts anytime through the year. Until!
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